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March Newsletter

Welcome – I Am So Glad You’re Here!

I feel so pumped today. It is February 27th, 2018 and, as I prepare the March newsletter, I can feel all the efforts of the past several months coming to fruition. I now have access to my website dashboard and, thanks to Charlie’s excellent tutorials, I am able to finalize aspects of the website. There are a few remaining kinks but the launch is near. It helps that it’s 9 degrees Celsius outside today. I met my editor last week, Zoe Kors. I loved her immediately. I want my book to be published through Hay House because they are more than just a publisher. Louise Hay created a publishing company for authors who want to share their message of love, hope and healing with the world. What a legacy!

Every month, my newsletter will start with the Families Connect Challenge. This month is all about healthy emotional expression. March Break is just around the corner. This means, many families will be spending more time together. What a great opportunity to work on communication and emotional resilience.

I wrote my book, Have You Hugged Your Alien? for children, teachers, parents and mental health professionals. It is a tool to help children understand that their emotions are normal and important sources of information. However, they must learn how to manage the energy that comes with strong emotions so they don’t end up doing something they will regret such as, hurt someone, say words they can’t take back, break things or self-harm. The following notes are from the workshops I have offered in schools and public libraries. The workshop is an extension of the book. I hope you can use the notes to create aliens and initiate conversations with your little ones.

Step 1-Book
I start by reading my book. If you are in Kemptville or nearby, you can borrow it from the public library or Ontario Early Years. You can also order a copy from my website, www.annewalsh.ca. If you don’t have the book, just follow the discussion notes below and you will be fine. Set up the creation of aliens with this information. The goal of this activity is NOT to eliminate anger but to look at the choices we make when we experience anger. Feeling angry can be overwhelming like someone else has taken over and you are just an observer, unable to stop yourself. I call this “the alien”. “Do you feel your alien taking over sometimes? We are each going to create our own alien using this material.”

Step 2-Alien Sculptures
Each member of the family sculpts an alien out of clay to represent that part of them that feels foreign when they are frustrated, angry, stressed, hurt or overwhelmed. You can buy bars of clay at The Dollar Store. I offer one bar of clay per person as the base for the alien. I like to use non-art materials to stimulate the imagination. These materials can include anything from bubble wrap, plastic ties, marbles, string, duct tape, cotton balls, popsicle sticks, foil wrap and colourful construction paper. Visit The Dollar Store as a family ahead of time if you prefer, set a budget and have children pick fun materials to use in the construction of their “alien”. This is such a fun activity for both children and parents. You can also use materials you have at home. You can make aliens by sticking items to paper lunch bags. Old socks are also potential aliens. Add yarn, buttons, pipe cleaners and you are on your way!

Next comes the discussion about how we can deal with difficult emotions.

Step 3-Discussion
Facts:
Everyone gets upset-children, adults, even parents and teachers. • All emotions are normal. They offer useful information.
Unpleasant emotions stir up our Reptilian brain (primitive brain charged with our survival).
Triggering the Reptilian brain shuts down our Higher Functioning brain (which helps us make wise decisions).
The intense response we have to an unpleasant experience only lasts 90 seconds (for more information on this, read My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor)
How can we make wise choices if our Higher Functioning Brain is turned off for 90 seconds? We need to help our body release the excess energy that floods our body during those 90 seconds until we are able to think and make wise decisions.

Step 4-Strategies
Animals don’t have a higher functioning brain. What do they do? Animals use their breath, movement and/or voice to release energy when they are upset.
Some examples include: Dogs yawn (breath) and stretch (movement) or bark (voice). Cats hiss (breath), curl their backs and jump sideways (movement) or meow (voice). Snakes hiss (breath), coil their body and leap forward or slither away (movement). Horses exhale forcefully (breath), stomp their feet, kick (movement) or neigh (voice) Lions roar (voice) and stretch their bodies forward, tossing their mane (movement)

How can we use our voice, breath and movement to calm ourselves during the 90 seconds of intense emotions? We need to consider where we are (outdoors or in class/home/car). Suggestions include:
Outdoors: Running around the school yard until tired Yelling, I am so angry right now! Jumping Jacks Forceful exhales (harder to inhale when upset) Stomping feet Tensing and releasing muscles Wiggling it out (while standing or bending from the hips, arms dangling toward the ground) Stretching Trying to yawn (fake yawning triggers real yawning which relaxes the body)
Indoors: Forceful exhales (quiet) Wiggling in seat Saying, I am really angry right now, give me some time and space to calm down Yawning Tensing and releasing muscles Pushing feet into the ground Doodling

Step 5-Coping Cards
Each child and parent receives a blank piece of paper and markers/coloured pencils. They choose a strategy based on where they are more likely to get upset (classroom, car, school yard). They draw what they plan to do next time they are upset based on the suggestions provided. This becomes a Coping Card. They can place it somewhere where they will see it as a reminder.

Step 6-The Story
Although our bodies have generally released the physical aspect of an unpleasant emotion within 90 seconds, we often prolong it by creating a story about it and repeating this story in our mind over and over again. Animals do not do this. Once the energy of an emotion has dissipated, animals return to their usual activities. We often have a few stories that we hold onto: Why do I always get left out? Nobody likes me. No one helps me, I have to do everything myself. Why do I always get blamed? Everything always happens to me.
These stories press the reset button on our reptilian brain, initiating another 90 second physical response. It is helpful to be aware of our stories. Awareness helps us recognize when we are prolonging our suffering with an outdated story.
Ask each family member to identify one of their stories. Adults can write it down. Young children can simply think and talk about their story. Then, caregivers can play a “What if?” game with the story to see if it is true or false. What if you are wrong and people actually love you very much? Is it possible that others get in trouble too sometimes?
Adults and older children can write evidence on the paper which prove the story is false. You will notice that most stories contain absolutes (always, never, everything, nobody). Asking yourself if this is true and writing as many facts as possible that disprove it or, prove the opposite, takes the story’s power away. The next time you are upset and the story pops into your mind, you can recognize it as false and recall all the facts that disproved it. This helps you get calm faster.

Step 7-Visualization
Breathe, close your eyes and imagine your story (or stories) boarding a flying saucer. With each breath, as you exhale, blow the flying saucer away, pushing it further and further, watching it shrink until you no longer see it. Then use your imagination to look inside your body. Find any remaining areas of tension (dark spots, something stuck, tight areas) working your way up from your toes, to your knees, hips, belly, lower back, chest, upper back, shoulders, arms, hands, neck, throat, jaw, eyes, forehead and head. Each time you feel a dark, full or tight spot, breathe through it until it’s gone. Take one last breath to feel the air moving through your body from your nose down into your feet and into the floor where any leftover gunk can be absorbed into the ground.

Some parents feel they have different stories for home and for work. Children may feel this way about school and home as well.

I hope these workshop notes are helpful. I would love to hear from you or see your art if you created your aliens. Don’t forget to tag me if you share photos on your FB page or Instagram for your chance to win the Movie Pass for four (two adults, two children). The winning family will be announced on my Facebook page on December 23rd, 2018.

Every Tuesday at 1pm (ET), moms can connect online for free, and explore whatever topic is being discussed that week. I will be starting Mommies Mingle on Tuesday, April 10th, 2018. Why so far away? My website will most likely be completed by March 1st, 2018. I will need to advertise the group and have people sign up through my website. This brings us to mid-March which coincides with March Break. My family and I go away to Mexico from March 20th to April 4th, 2018. I will advertise while we are away and I hope to meet many of you online when we return. See Mommies Mingle on my website www.annewalsh.ca to sign up.

If you’d rather socialize in person, join me in my art studio on CR 18 in Kemptville for my monthly creative activity, Mama’s Time Out. This month, due to March Break, I will be offering an interactive workshop for parents and their children on Thursday March 15th, 2018 at 11am. Not a Box is a fun workshop stimulating the creativity of children and parents alike as each person uses a variety of materials to transform a regular cardboard box into something unique and special. Everyone will have an opportunity to share their creation with the group. There will be tea, coffee, juice, treats and lots of fun. The cost of this workshop is $60 per family. Please e-mail me at info@annewalsh.ca to register.

I am very excited to interview an artist each month for Awesome Artsy Moms. My February interview with Meredith Luce is now loaded and available on my website. I was shocked to discover she didn’t even consider herself an artist. I was also pleased that she was able to paint during our interview. She expressed that she had been yearning for some time to paint since the birth of her daughter. On March 1st, 2018, I have my next interview with Eva Parker, owner of Two Emu Creations. This mother of two sews beautiful, colourful items like aprons, over mitts and clothing but, what really intrigued me were her “Scrappy Monsters”. For a sneak preview, check out her website, www.twoemucreations.com.

This month, on my blog, I describe the birth of our eldest daughter Molly. I had a birth plan and I was so sure I was going to just squat her out. Piece of cake! Medication? No, thank you! Want to know what really happened? Strap yourself in, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride. Read it here.

I decided to visit different groups of mothers to speak with them and learn about their experiences. Speaking in a group is different from talking one on one. We feed off of each other’s ideas and our conversations can take unexpected turns. I had the opportunity to get acquainted with two groups of moms this month. I attended training for professionals working with the transgender population. I have met a few transgender teens while offering workshops in high schools. Going into this training, I knew not to assume someone’s gender based on their appearance. However, the two awesome hosts and trainers changed my outlook. We make such a big deal about gender but, who cares? When did we start to develop ideas about what is feminine or masculine? Why do we need to tick that box? For mothers, the pain comes, not from having a transgendered child but, from society’s need to assign a gender and whatever expectation is linked to that gender to their child. When the child does not conform to the gender “norms” there is judgement, criticism and exclusion. I also visited St-Mary’s Home to interview two teen moms for my book. We all want to be good moms, the best that we can be. As an adult, many aspects of motherhood were challenging to me and I was in my mid 30s when I had my first daughter. What struck me was how these moms who are so young are expected to be great moms without adequate support. Many of the moms have been abandoned by their boyfriends and/or family. They may be teased and ridiculed at school. To top it off, the Children’s Aid Society is watching them parent, assessing whether they are fit to parent or not. Talk about pressure. I was impressed with both moms. I am so grateful to St-Mary’s Home for providing support and education to these moms who want nothing more than to raise their child in a safe and happy home.

Finally, on Mama’s Toolbox, I interview professionals every month to ask them questions that I think moms would want to ask. My interview with Cathy Sheppard is now loaded and available on my website. Cathy surprised me by sharing some of her struggles and providing both personal and professional advice. This was my first podcast and I cringe at how many times I say, “Yes”. However, I am forever grateful to Cathy for allowing me to interview her. You can listen to Cathy’s words of wisdom here. I have my next podcast interview scheduled for March 5th, 2018. I wanted to interview someone about the process of harmonious divorce. I have witnessed some pretty messy divorces and it breaks my heart. My goal was to start by sharing tips on creating a healthy relationship. I also wanted to examine the process that couples can go through when they know the relationship is over. I wondered how they could avoid prolonging this difficult transition while lessening its impact on their children. I spoke to many leaders in this field. In the end, I was referred to Trish Harris. She also helps women post divorce but her scope is much wider than this. Her specialty is self-care as the basis of all relationships. She is a very interesting individual and I am eager to share her work with you. To learn more about Trish, check out her website, http://www.innerrecovery.com.

One last thing I want to mention, I was invited to be a guest on Stacey Ogden’s podcast, Busy Mom Collective. Have a listen here.

This is my way to serve you. If you have any suggestions regarding topics you would like to have covered or questions you wish to ask, please do not hesitate to e-mail me at info@annewalsh.ca.

I look forward to seeing you in my groups or reading your comments. I hope to see some of you at my interactive workshop on March 15th, 2018 at 11am (ET). Happy March Break Everyone!

Motherhood Doesn’t Have to Be a One-Woman Show,
Anne Walsh
www.annewalsh.ca